Each month one of
our staff members writes an article on a relevant
topic that appears in the local county newspaper,
THE WILSON POST.
__________________________________________________________
Keep Summer Fun ....
April C. Bowen, M.A., LSPE, HSP (March 2011)
Everyone loves summer….right? Summer brings more relaxed days, playing
in the sun, and fewer deadlines. But it can also bring temper tantrums,
fighting between siblings, and stressed out parents.
So how do you keep summer more fun than stressful?
All of us thrive on routine, including our kids. Keep a daily routine
for waking, hygiene, meals, snack time, playtime, naps/rest time,
reading, and a bedtime routine.
Keep the kids busy! Summer offers a variety of physical activities for
kids, including playing outside, swimming, fishing, joining an organized
sport (such as baseball), or trying something new, such as martial
arts.
Utilize effective discipline strategies. When possible, give natural,
logical consequences. For example, if your child is not playing
appropriately with a toy, take the toy away. Also remember to be clear
in your expectations and back up what you tell your child. Kids learn
not to follow rules when rules are never enforced.
Set your child up to succeed. If your kids usually nap around 2:00 pm
each day, do not plan a new activity during that time because they will
be tired and cranky. Or if you usually have snacks at 10:00 am and you
will be at the zoo for the morning, take a break and have snacks at the
zoo at the same time.
Remember to catch your child being good. Praise and reward your kids
for listening, following directions, and having good behavior. This
does not mean buying gifts. Kids love hugs, nice words, and extra
attention. Kids also enjoy rewards, such as special time with a parent,
choosing what the family will cook for dinner, picking a movie for the
family to watch, or selecting a game/activity for the family to play
together.
Parents, remember to do things for you, too! As parents, we
automatically focus on taking care of our kids and often forget to take
time for ourselves. Remember that you need to take time alone and have
a stress relieving activity for yourself. This can be anything from
taking a walk each evening, watching a baseball game, waking up earlier
than the kids to have some quiet time, or spending time with friends.
As a parent, it is also helpful to be realistic. Our kids will never be
perfect because we are not perfect. Pick your battles, find the humor
in life, and enjoy your time with your kids.
If you find that you need additional help for your child’s behavior,
feel free to schedule an appointment with me at Hendrick Counseling
Services (449-9611). I would be happy to work with you and your child.
__________________________________________________________
|
Helping Kids Identify Feelings ...
April C. Bowen, M.A., LSPE, HSP (March 2011) |
Human development is such a gradual process
that adults often assume that children think the same way they do.
Young children think best about things they can see, hear, and touch.
As they move into the late elementary and middle school years, children
begin to get better at thinking about things they cannot see, hear, or
touch. The ability to think about feelings also evolves in this way.
Identifying feelings is the first step in learning how
to understand and control them. If children can learn to name what they
are feeling, they have a better chance of learning how to cope with
those feelings. The ability to put what we are feeling into words also
lessens the possibility that the feelings will be expressed through
inappropriate behaviors (yelling, hitting, tantrums, etc).
So how do you help your child begin this process?
Start talking about feelings. By hearing adults talk about feelings,
children learn to do the same. If you are having a good time, talk
about it! For example, “I feel happy when I get to play outside with
you.” Also begin talking about negative feelings when appropriate. For
example, “I feel mad when someone yells at me.”
Help your child use the same words to talk about how
they are feeling. When you see your child is sad, mad, or happy, name
it for them. For example, “I see you feel happy when you play the Wii.”
Or “I see you are feeling sad because we have to leave the playground.”
As time progresses, encourage your child to use his/her words to name
feelings. A simple sentence to help them complete is: “I feel _____
when _____.” Praise any step in the right direction to reinforce your
child talking about feelings.
Once your child can name the feeling, your child can
learn to cope with the feeling. Talk to your child about what makes you
feel better when you are mad, sad, frustrated, etc. For instance,
“Since I have felt frustrated all day, I am going to take a walk. That
always makes me feel better.” This helps your child see what others do
when they have negative feelings. Good suggestions for negative
feelings include, playing outside, taking a walk, drawing/writing,
listening to music, watching a funny movie, and taking a few minutes to
breathe slowly.
For more information about helping your child
identify and regulate feelings, feel free to contact me at Hendrick
Counseling Services 449-9611.
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An Attitude of Gratitude Makes
for a Healthier Life
Suzanne Prince, LPC
(January 2011)
What is gratitude? Gratitude can be described as “an
orientation towards noticing and appreciating the positive in the
world.”
Recent studies show that being grateful can decrease
stress, boost the immune system, improve relationships and increase
happiness while decreasing depression. Some people seem to be born with
a higher sense of gratitude than others. There are people that see the
glass half full and others that see the glass half empty.
Regardless of whether you tend to be more optimistic
or pessimistic in your outlook on life, gratitude can be learned. One of
the easiest ways to cultivate a sense of gratitude is to start a
Gratitude Journal. The journal doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive.
In fact, an ordinary spiral notebook will work. Each day before going to
bed, you write down 3-5 things you are grateful for that day. You may
choose to list something big or something small or both. You may be
grateful for the soft, comfortable bed you are about to climb into, or a
pleasant phone conversation with a friend.
Another tool for developing gratitude is to think of
someone in your life that you are grateful for and write a letter
telling them what they mean to you.
Researchers are discovering that living life from a
place of gratefulness makes a person less materialistic, more
spiritually aware and increases life satisfaction. A grateful person
tends to eat healthier and exercise more.
Of all the character traits we possess as humans,
gratitude has been said to have the strongest link to positive mental
health. Gratitude helps refocus our attention from the negative to the
positive. It cultivates acceptance and peace.
This isn’t to encourage you to look at the world with
rose-colored glasses. But it does suggest that even when faced with
difficulties, if we are able to temper the bitter with the sweet we are
better off.
As a counselor, I work with clients who have
experienced trauma and loss. I remind them they have gotten through or
are currently getting through a challenging situation. Reminding
yourself that you are resilient and have gotten through difficulties can
increase a sense of gratitude.
As a new year begins, I encourage and challenge you
to start noticing the small things in your life that you are grateful
for. It can make life better for you and everyone around you.
__________________________________________________________
25 Ways to Make Divorce More
Difficult on Kids
April C. Bowen, M.A., LSPE, HSP (March 2010)
1 - Make your son choose sides.
2 - Talk bad about the other parent in front of your
daughter and make sure other family members join in the bash session.
3 - Send messages to your ex through your kids.
4 - Make your kids drag their belongings back and
forth between homes instead of having necessities at both homes.
5 - Remind your son to bring the shirt he is wearing
home because the other parent is trying to steal the good clothes for
his/her house.
6 - Ask your child questions about the other parent’s
personal life: “Do you think dad has a girlfriend?” “Was your mom
talking to a man on the phone?”
7 - When you find out that the other parent will not
buy your child a cell phone, video game or laptop, run out and buy it to
show the child you are more fun.
8 - Remind your daughter of everything the other
parent has not done for her. Go back as far in history as you can
remember.
9 - Make sure your child is busy when it is time for
the other parent to call your home.
10 - Have your daughter tell you that she loves you
more.
11 - Talk to your kids about how much the other
parent should really be paying in child support.
12 - Tell your kids how hard it is for you to pay
your own bills because the child support is so high.
13 - Go to court as much as you can and accuse the
other parent of anything you can come up with to hurt him/her.
14 - Make sure your rules are opposite of the other
parent’s rules so that your children can manipulate and pit you and the
other parent against one another.
15 - Tell your kids how much you miss them when they
are away and how lonely it makes you when they visit their mom/dad.
16 - Keep parenting exchanges as stressful as you can
make them: yell, call each other names, show up late, refuse to take the
child’s backpack for homework, etc.
17 - Get as much time with your child as possible and
limit time with the other parent to as little as possible.
18 - Tell your daughter that her dad doesn’t love
her.
19 - Tell your son that his mother really didn’t want
to have any kids.
20 - Have your child spy on the other parent and help
you gather evidence for court….since you will be going for the 5th time
next month.
21 - Don’t allow your kids to call the other parent
to say “goodnight” while they are at your house.
22 - If it seems like your child loves the
other parent more, stop talking to the child.
23 - Be late to pick up your child because you know
it will make the other parent late for work.
24 - Don’t worry that it will hurt the child’s
feelings. It is all about getting even with the other parent. Start
dating as soon as possible and tell your daughter that she will have a
new mom one day.
25 - Make promises you can’t keep.
Sadly, I could keep listing things I see on a
daily basis that cause parental divorce to be more difficult on
children. If you are a divorced parent or in the process of divorcing,
please think about your words and behaviors. Many times parents say or
do these things assuming that the kids are not paying attention.
Children are watching and listening. When you talk bad about your
child’s mom or dad, you are talking bad about the child. Kids
understand that they are part of both their mom and dad. Even if you do
not like your ex, respect your child and the fact that your ex is your
child’s parent, too.
For additional resources or to help your children
adjust through the divorce process, please feel free to contact me at
Hendrick Counseling, 449-9611.
__________________________________________________________
Parenting is the toughest
job! .... April C. Bowen, M.A., LSPE, HSP (March 2010)
All parents want to be good parents. Sometimes we just don’t know
what to do to help our kids. Our kids will never be perfect and do
everything we want them to do, but we can make parenting changes to
improve behavior based upon our child’s age. It is important to
always keep in my mind what is developmentally appropriate for a child’s
age. For example, we don’t expect a three-year-old child to be
able to sit quietly for hours at a time during an adult meeting.
So how do we get the behaviors we want from our
kids?
Plan ahead
Set your child up to succeed by planning ahead and thinking about what
will help most in the situation. For instance, if you are going on
a long road trip, you may choose to pack snacks and games/toys, or play
music your child enjoys.
Catch them being good
Paying attention to good behavior will make the behavior happen again!
A simple compliment such as, “Wow, I really like how you are following
directions today,” will go a long way. Kids want our attention and
will do the things that get our attention. Nice words,
compliments, hugs, and pats on the back are all ways to easily show we
are proud of them.
Ignore
Ignore small behaviors that are not harmful to anyone’s safety or
personal items. Whining and tantrums are not easy to ignore, but
ignoring the behavior by making no eye contact or talking will make the
behavior disappear (although the child may get worse in the beginning to
make sure you are really ignoring him/her). It is important that
once you start ignoring a certain behavior, you keep doing so. If
you don’t, the child will learn that he can get your attention if he
does it long enough. Once your child stops whining or pitching a
fit, immediately praise him. For example, “I’m really proud of you
for calming down and using your words to talk to me.” So, ignore
bad behavior when it is not dangerous, but start paying attention as
soon as the bad behavior stops.
Set a good example
Our children watch us to learn how they are supposed to act. If we
yell and stomp when we are mad, our kids will think that is what they
are supposed to do when they are mad.
Spend time together
Since our kids want our attention and we want to give them attention for
good behavior, plan one-on-one time with each child. This can be
done by setting time aside each day to do something special. For
example, reading a book together, playing a game, coloring, or even
having the child help prepare a meal.
What if my child’s behaviors
don’t seem “normal?”
Remember that each child’s personality is different and all of our kids
are not going to act the same. But if tantrums seem to last
extremely long periods of time with no improvement, anger seems to be
over-the-top, or your child’s behavior changes dramatically, it may
benefit the parent and child to seek counseling.
Through counseling, children learn new ways to deal with feelings and
parents learn new ways to manage behaviors. If you think your
child may benefit from counseling, feel free to call Hendrick Counseling
Services at 449-9611 and schedule an appointment with me. Although
I am new to Hendrick Counseling, I have been treating children ages four
and above, adolescents, and adults for over eight years. I also
offer psychological testing for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity
Disorder, educational difficulties, diagnosis, and pre-surgical and
employment evaluations.
__________________________________________________________Who can benefit from psychological
assessment... (September
2009)
Psychological evaluations are performed
in response to clear questions after a problem becomes evident, which
does not have a physical origin, and what factors that may contribute to
the cause need to be determined. In particular, psychological
evaluations assess whether the individual has the symptoms of any
specific psychological diagnoses. It is important to note that
evaluations should look at the impact of the behavior over different
settings or environments. Such as, is the problem noted in the
school setting but not in the home setting? Another important
factor is identifying the type of problem noted, for example: (1)
inappropriate behavior (2) inappropriate mood states (3) failure to
perform up to expected standards (as in schoolwork). Identifying
specific problems is an important and necessary step in the development
of a treatment plan. Typical questions answered by assessment
include risk for suicide, are psychotic features present, a
determination of cognitive and adaptive functioning, motivation for
treatment, and defenses employed by the individual that may interfere
with treatment. The evaluation then makes recommendations as to
what type of treatment is most likely to be beneficial for the
individual being assessed. Generally, a comprehensive
psychological evaluation will take several hours to administer, several
more hours for the evaluator to score, interpret the data presented, and
to write in the report itself.
Psychological evaluations
involve not only psychological testing, which are a part of the
psychological evaluation, and is defined as the administration of
psychological instruments to examine a specific area(s) of functioning.
The comprehensive evaluation will also includes review of records, a
clinical interview, interpretation of test results, conclusion,
diagnosis, and recommendations for treatment. The type and number
of psychological tests used, the clinical interview format, and the
focus of the psychological assessment is determined by the referral
source provided to the evaluator.
There are several broad categories of
psychological tests:
Intelligence Quotient (IQ) test
and Achievement tests
are often used in school settings. IQ tests attempt to be measures
of intelligence or ability (i.e. potential for learning a new task),
while achievement tests are measures of the development of academic
skills (schoolwork). In these types of tests, a series of tasks is
presented to the person being evaluated, and the person's responses are
graded. These scores are then compiled and compared to the norm
group, usually comprised of people at the same age. The challenge
is to design a test that is culture-free; and most intelligence tests
fail in this area to some extent, although work continues to develop
such a test. Achievement tests attempt to measure how much you
know about an academic area, such as basic reading ability or
mathematics reasoning.
Personality tests
attempt to measure basic personality style and are most often used in
research, forensic settings, and to help with clinical diagnoses.
These tests fall into two types: Objective and Projective tests.
Objective tests have a restricted response format, such as allowing for
true or false answers or rating using an ordinal scale. Objective
measures generally require the individual to view statements and respond
in a true/false format. Like IQ and achievement tests, they
produce data derived from normative samples, based on the individual’s
responses. The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI)
is a well know example of such a test. Projective tests attempt to
understand a person’s unconscious motivations or perceptions. One
well known example is the Rorschach Inkblot test. Individuals
prefer objective measures today, and much controversy regarding the
validity of projective testing has occurred. The use of clinical
judgment rather than norms and statistics to evaluate people's
characteristics has convinced many that projective measures are
unreliable (results are too often different from one examiner to the
next each time a test is given to the same person). However, many
practitioners continue to include some type of projective measures, and
some experts suggest that these measures can be useful in developing
therapeutic rapport/relationship.
Neuropsychological tests
These tests consist of specifically
designed tasks used to measure a psychological function known to be
linked to a particular brain structure or pathway. They are
typically used to determine level of functioning or impairment after an
injury or illness known to affect neurocognitive or brain functioning.
This type of specialized assessment is only conducted by a
neuropsychologist.
Finally, treatment recommendations are
an extremely important component of psychological evaluations.
While a diagnosis is useful information, treatment creates change.
Recommendations typically address such issues as what are the likely
benefits and prognosis that can be expected from treatment for the
individual, what types of treatment are likely to be beneficial or
should be avoided, need for further assessment by other professionals,
and the need for a psychiatric evaluation to determine whether
medication would also be beneficial.
If you have any further questions or feel that you or someone in your
family could benefit from psychological assessment please contact
Hendricks Counseling Services at 449-9611 for additional assistance.
__________________________________________________________
To Clean or Not to Clean? Not Even a Question…. (April 2009)
by Kristen Newman, LPC-MHSP
Everyone has their certain routines,
rituals, and habits they perform throughout the day. You may be
particular about your kitchen floors, for example, or double check that
the coffee maker is off before you leave for work in the morning.
You may wash your hands several times a day during cold and flu season
or after shopping in public places. Many of us are troubled by
worrisome thoughts during the day. We may be wondering if the iron was
turned off, we could be experiencing a feeling that something bad
might happen soon, or we may have a feeling of anxiety when a
loved one is late getting home. For most of us, these behaviors do
not cause significant distress and cause us to alter our days, to
be late to appointments, or to lose sleep. For others, however,
the rituals are life altering and lead to the diagnosis of Obsessive
Compulsive Disorder.
In order to be diagnosed, the symptoms must impact the quality of life
and cause significant distress. Individuals with Obsessive
Compulsive Disorder, otherwise known as OCD, spend inordinate
amounts of time on their compulsive behaviors and can be overwhelmed
with the obsessive thoughts. The symptoms can be very stressful
for families, exhausting for the sufferer, and making timeliness at work
a very real issue. Depression often accompanies OCD as individuals
often recognize they have a problem and that their behaviors and
thoughts are not logical, but are often powerless to stop them.
Take “Linda” for example. Before she leaves for work in the
morning, she must turn the stove on and off exactly five times.
Then she heads to the bathroom to remove and replace her curling iron
from its drawer four times. Linda then has to walk to all three
doors leading outside, lock and unlock six times, and then head back to
the kitchen. She then gets into her car, counts to 25, and finally
heads to the office. In the back of her mind, if she alters this
routine even slightly, she will have a car accident before she gets to
work.
Then there is “Rachel”. She is consumed with worry for loved ones
and must be sure the cans in her cupboard line up correctly to prevent
something bad from happening to them. She knows this is not a
logical thing to do, but must complete the organization anyway.
After all, she could not live with herself if something happened and the
soup cans were misaligned; she could not live with the guilt and
self-blame.
“Jennifer’s” family cannot relax when she is home. She spends her
entire evening following them around, harassing them to pick up their
shoes, vacuuming, wiping crumbs off the table as they eat, and insisting
they all sit in order on the couch before they watch TV. They are
always running late to appointments, dinner dates, and play dates
because she simply cannot leave the house unless she considers
everything done “right”.
These are just a few examples of how strongly the OCD symptoms can
affect the lives of those who try to deal with them. Studies are
being conducted to try and understand the physiology of the brain of the
affected person. It is unknown if the disorder causes the
abnormalities, or if the abnormalities are causing the problems.
Researchers at UCLA used PET scans to look at the brain and they found a
pattern of hyperactivity in certain circuits involved with identifying
danger, generating worry signals, and then dictating how we respond to
the emotional triggers (Health, 4/2009). There are
also studies indicating a strong genetic component to OCD. If you
have a first-degree relative with the disorder, you would be five times
more likely to develop symptoms (Health, 4/2009).
The treatment options for OCD range from medication to psychotherapy.
Medications with the most success for OCD are the selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). This class of drugs is most often
used to treat depression and take several weeks to be effective.
When being used to treat OCD, these medications may be dosed differently
than if being used for treatment of depression.
One method of psychotherapy involves teaching the brain that the
behaviors it engages in to relieve the compulsions actually tends to
increase the anxiety and depression resulting from them. For
example, remember back to “Rachel”. She must organize her
cupboards to prevent harm to loved ones, but the more she turns the
cans, the more stressed she gets thinking they still aren’t perfect
enough. So she then spends 20 more minutes reorganizing, again
increasing her stress and forcing her to repeat the ritual numerous
times, hoping to keep her family safe. She needs to learn she is
only increasing her symptoms and to develop a new set of coping skills
which may involve self-talk, relaxation techniques, journaling,
cognitive restructuring, or self-distraction.
It can take time to develop the right course of treatment, whether it be
medications or therapy or a combination of both. The most
important components of either treatment are proactivity and commitment.
One must be willing and determined to allow medication to work and to
teach the brain a new way of functioning so that it can be relaxed and
less stressed without the obsessive compulsions and behaviors. It
takes time, repetition, and a desire to learn new coping skills.
With dedication and patience, someone suffering with OCD can find relief
and peace.
__________________________________________________________
Our Families and the Economy
(March 2009)
by Stacey M. Lanier, LPC-MHSP
No one could have predicted that our economy would turn as quickly as it
has and some of our families have been hit by the economic downturn.
Who’d of thunk it when kids these days own more material possessions
than we could have imagined when we were kids. In the days of 1GB
IPods, touch screen cell phones and Wii gaming systems what’s a parent
to do when they can no longer provide these luxury goods as rewards for
good grades or birthday gifts?
The country has hunkered down and, for some, luxury items have slipped
further from grasp as we struggle to provide the most basics of food,
clothing and shelter for our families. With soaring national grocery
averages and increasing unemployment rates, not only have luxury
playthings gone by the wayside, but what was once considered normal and
routine such as going out to dinner, has now become nearly impossible
for some families.
Our natural instinct as parents is to protect and provide for our
children and when the ability to do this is severely diminished, our
parenting confidence may be hampered as well. If the economic crisis has
struck your household how do you protect and provide for your family
when you might feel like you’re white knuckling it yourself? Hold
on for the ride and take care of yourself first and if you are married,
make time for your marriage because financial problems are the leading
cause for divorce in the United States. What does that mean? As
parents, our mood and behaviors directly influence our children so do
everything in your power to get and stay physically and emotionally
healthy during difficult times. Talk to your children and explain
in, ways they can understand how the economy has directly affected your
family’s way of life and allow them to help come up with ways the family
can be more flexible. Perhaps they are aware of fun and free activities
in the community. Instead of carte blanch at the grocery store give them
reasonable choices such as “either you can have the Twinkies or the
Frosted Flakes.” They may not understand and certainly will not
like it at first, but children are very resilient and have an amazing
ability to adapt to change just as families do. These are scary
financial times for many of us, but as Anne Wilson Schaef stated
“Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process.”
__________________________________________________________
Beating the
Post-holiday Blues (January 2009)
by Kim Stroud-Hendrick, L.C.S.W.
The guests are all gone, the tree is down,
the kids are already bored with their toys, the gifts have been
exchanged and the hype of the holidays has sizzled to a stale moment.
Sound depressing? It can be very disappointing to work for months
towards a few days of fun to find that it is abruptly over and now you
have to get back to the reality of everyday living.
While the holiday season is associated with
good cheer and excitement about the promise of a new year, an estimated
one million Americans will find themselves experiencing post-holiday
depression. The reasons for the depression include grief, major
changes, lack of sunlight or physical exercise, relationship problems,
spiritual or anger issues, financial stress, sleep deprivation,
exhaustion and more.
If you or a loved one may be vulnerable to
depression, look for signs such as diminished interest or enjoyment in
activities, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, lack of energy, low
self-esteem, feelings of hopelessness, unresolved grief or inappropriate
guilt, social withdrawal or even suicidal thoughts. Depression can also
manifest in physical symptoms, such as headaches, dizziness, muscle pain
and nausea.
Don’t become a victim to depression this
year. There are many ways of beating it and keeping your holiday glow.
Begin by taking care of yourself, eat sensibly, add some exercise to
your day and get some deep, quality sleep. Try to avoid alcohol – it
only makes you sleepy and dehydrates you. Expose yourself to more
sunlight and good smells. Aromatherapy can be relaxing and comforting.
Consider starting a new hobby or doing volunteer work. This can give
you something to look forward to each day. Continue spending time with
relatives and friends who enrich your life and limit or avoid altogether
people and situations that negatively impact you and your mood. If you
have never tried it, consider contacting a local counselor. Talk
therapy has been shown to be effective in treating depression.
At Hendrick Counseling Services, we listen
because we care.
__________________________________________________________
What’s
Happening in Your Child’s School (October 2008)
by Stacey M. Lanier, LPC-MHSP
As parents of school aged children we are
often struck with thoughts of how our children are doing in school
academically, socially and emotionally. Many of us remember our own
struggles with peer pressure, homework and even “mean teachers”. We can
easily recall the class bully and the relief we felt when that same
bully finally turned her attention from us toward some other
unsuspecting child. Even if our children are excelling in the school
setting many parents often have a nagging thought about their child’s
general well being while they are at school.
If you’ve had these thoughts, then consider spending more time at your
child’s school. Most family schedules are jam packed with soccer, Tae
Kwan Do or piano lessons and working parents might wonder how they can
squeeze more time out of their busy schedules to fit in volunteer time
at their child’s school. Although devoting full days at the school and
acquiring the lofty title of “room mom” may be an unattainable goal,
there are a wide variety of things to do in any amount of time large or
small. Papers need to be copied, something needs to be laminating and
there are always books that need to be re-shelved in the library.
Research shows parental involvement in children’s learning is related to
academic achievement and social and emotional development is positively
impacted as well. Parental alliance within schools with teachers and
administrators greatly empowers parents and demonstrates involvement,
interest and concern to children, schools and improves relationship
overall.
School problems might appear as big problems but they do not always
require big solutions. Small positive changes can cause a ripple effect
which can lead to larger changes and your small involvement in our
children’s school might just be the change needed. ___________________________________________________________________________________
CHILD ABUSE
– It’s everybody’s problem (September 2008)
by
Kim Stroud-Hendrick, L.C.S.W.
Children are suffering from a hidden and silent
epidemic of child abuse and neglect every minute, every hour, everyday.
Child abuse is the emotional, physical, sexual maltreatment and neglect
of children. In the United, more than 3 million reports of child
abuse are made each year. Experts estimate that the actual number
of incidents is 3 times greater than reported. The rate of
victimization is 12.3 children per 1,000 children. A report
of child abuse is made every 10 seconds. The numbers are alarming.
Yet, many turn their heads. Child abuse is everybody’s problem.
Who abuses a child? While most child
abuse happens in the child’s home, abuse also occurs I organizations in
which children are in involved, such as school, day care, church, and
others. Abuse occurs in all economic, ethnic and social groups.
Usually, the abuser is someone the child knows and often trusts.
When confronted with a suspicious situation, keep in mind that anyone
can be an abuser. There is no “typical” abuser.
Abusers may share common features such as: living under a great
deal of stress such as poverty, low self-esteem, poor control over
emotions, a problem with alcohol or other drugs and a history of having
been abused themselves. No reason is ever a good enough reason to
abuse a child.
Warning signs of child abuse: We may
all be able to save a child’s life just by knowing the warning signs of
abuse. Physical abuse is any injury
purposely inflicted upon a child. Unless you are an actual witness
to an act of violence, there is not a foolproof method to ensure that an
injury does indeed indicate abuse. A good rule of thumb is that
any “questionable” injuries are not likely to happen more than one.
If there is a pattern of injuries that with explanations that seem to
not add up, this is a red flag and should be brought to the attention of
some form of authority. Sexual abuse
is any sexual act between a child and an adult. Actual intercourse
does not have to occur for a child to be considered sexually abused.
Children can be forced to observe or participate in various sexual acts.
This form of abuse can be far more difficult to reveal.
Emotional abuse is verbal abuse or an
attitude that is degrading of a child. This can include name
calling, screaming, shaming, and much more. Neglect
is failing to provide for a child’s basic needs. It may be that a
child is inappropriately dressed for the weather, unhealthy food or lack
of food, lack of supervision, denial of medical care, or denial of love
and affection.
In most cases, abused children do not just come out and tell of the
abuse they are enduring. Due to a fear of what might happen to
them or the possibility of betraying the abuser. Here are a few
signs you can keep an eye out for, other than the physical marks
themselves: an unusual knowledge of sex,
withdrawal from family and friends, sleeplessness, irrational fears,
depression, anxiety, change in weight, nightmare, anger, low
self-esteem. If a child displays a couple of there signs,
that does not necessarily mean that the child is being abused.
Also, all abused children do not exhibit these signs.
Consequences of child abuse and neglect:
Children with a history of neglect or abuse are at risk of developing
psychiatric problems by the age of 21. Abused children are 25%
more likely to experience teen pregnancy. They are 59% more likely
to be involved with the law as a juvenile. Children that have endured
abuse are 2.5 times more likely to develop alcohol abuse and 3.8 times
more likely to develop drug addictions. 1/3 of the abused and
neglected will go on and eventually victimize their children.
Thus, the cycle continues.
Make child abuse your problem by educating
yourself, watching for the signs and not turning your head. Teach
your child, or a child what is and is not acceptable and believe a child
if they tell you that something is wrong. Children cannot always
speak for themselves, so we have to speak up for them. Reporting
child abuse can be a sticky situation and most people would prefer to
stay out of it, but for a child’s sake, it is better to be safe than
sorry. Most of the time you can report your suspicion without
identifying yourself. If you or someone you know would like to
learn more about parenting skills, stress management, anger management
and child abuse prevention, contact our office.
"Listening Because We Care" |
